I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
