Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
