Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
