You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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