This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
