Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
