Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
