theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
