Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A+ Viking dick
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