I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
