she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
