The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
