I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
