it wasn't lemon gatorade
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
