yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
