my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mom said you looked used
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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