This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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