my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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