Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
