dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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