Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
as a side note pls kill me
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
