I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
