You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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