and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i believe in u and ur pee
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
