i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
