so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
