I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
