You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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