I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
