I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
