a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
