you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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