just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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