My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
