I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
