you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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