so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
