Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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