smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
