Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
