well you can't waste a boner
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
