this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
