tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
