and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have aggressive nipples.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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