His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
