I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
