If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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