I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
