you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
