WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
